au bord du chemin // on the side of the road

Apologies in advance for this verbal vomit.

L. left for Chile today. This means that I am the last one out of the five of us to leave. This feeling of desolation that L. alluded to is striking me hard. As excited as I am about Paris, I can't imagine my life without Sunday gossip dinners, without late night Grille runs, without life chats, without the merciless teasing, without them. They've been such a big part of my life; they stood witness as I grew and bloomed (or at least as I got more social). Did I mature because of them, because of their presence in my life? If so, will I be able to continue doing so?

L. and I are very similar in the way we were to the way we changed, but she is larger than life. Where I was simply outrageous, L. was crazy. But where I was slightly conservative, L. was moreso to the point of prudeness. We've both settled on a happy medium, I think. So L., don't worry about Taken. Enjoy Chile. Make things happen! You can't be anymore awkward than I already am. ;)

But just as L. and C. and S. have left me, so too will I leave people behind. I wouldn't want to be in A.'s shoes, having to deal with all of us leaving. And my other good friends who aren't going abroad...how much will their life differ from mine? My life has already diverged so much from the life that my friends from high school lead...will this year in Paris drive me even farther away?

A. from high school bought me a study abroad book for my birthday (along with a striptease kit, but that's neither here or there). It's helpful, but it's also possibly the most terrifying thing that I have ever read. I'm not ready to deal with la vie quotidienne en français. Bank accounts and academics and grocery shopping are already hard enough...how am I to do it in another language? Sure, I don't sound like an American en parlant français, but I'm not even that good at French!

Lest you all think that I'm just a whiny bitch (which, admittedly, I am...sometimes), I definitely do see and appreciate the opportunities that I have been given. I speak of going to Paris on an exchange program like it's a normal, everyday thing...and it is, within my major and my college. But Dad told me that when he was young, someone going to the Sorbonne to study was a big, big deal; it signified intelligence and wealth and opportunity and luck. I never would've been able to do it had I grown up back then, not in the United States. So while I think it's hilarious (and ridiculous) that my grandmother suddenly loves me for this and constantly, I recognize that I am very fortunate.

I'm leaving the United States for great cheese and exceptional bread, amongst other things like culture and learning (not to say that the United States does not have these things). Not to mention the lower drinking age. Who is really leaving who on the side of the road?